How to Help Kids Regulate: Real-Life Tools for Meltdowns & Big Emotions

Transcript:[00:00:00] We do wanna help our children know how to refine that place of regulation. We want them to know that they have support when they’re sad or angry.

We want them to be able to learn that their feelings do matter, and to learn ways to get their needs met, that are safe for them and for those around them. So I’m gonna share with you one tool today that involves language, okay? And then I’m gonna share with you another tool that does not for that same purpose of we can process language sometimes when we’re not too stressed, but there comes a point where it’s really difficult to process language.

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Hi everybody. I am Rachel Ashcraft and I am an occupational therapist and I specialize in supporting kids and families and building joyful family relationships through regulation, co-occupation, and celebrating each family member’s [00:01:00] authentic self. I’m gonna be sharing some tools for supporting regulation for children and families in daily life today.

These are just some of the tools that have been helpful to me, and I hope that you’ll find some of them helpful for you as well. Before we jump in into some tools, I do want to orient us to some language and definitions so that you can have those considerations in mind as we go through this conversation.

Let’s start with behavior. Often we have conversations around behavior management or dealing with difficult behaviors, and the way in which we use that language, it really reveals something about the biases that we hold related to behaviors. So when we frame things that way, like dealing with difficult behaviors, we’re already alluding to behavior as something to be fixed. And I really want to challenge us to consider behavior as something to [00:02:00] be understood. And that’s a very important distinction that I’d like for us to hold as we’re having this conversation today. Because the reality is behavior is really just anything that we do in response to the world around us that serves to get our needs met.

So for example. At a most basic level, a baby experiences hunger and they use the behavior that they have access to. They cry, right? And they do that to express that they have an unmet need, and ideally that behavior is going to be responded to with their need being met and that baby receiving nourishment.

So this basic process is repeated over and over and over and over again. As we’re developing and as we’re beginning to shape our concept of the world around us, the people around us, and even our relationship and space within all of those [00:03:00] contexts. As we grow, that linear pathway of need, behavior (or communication), and then the need being met, it becomes more complicated than that example with the baby crying because they are hungry, right? But that pathway really remains the foundation of how our brains continue to interact with the world around us. So, for example, I might become aware of a need at my child’s school that maybe parents are needed to help with an event. . My behavior might be that I respond and communicate that I’m going to volunteer to help.

Then the need that is being met for me is that I want my son’s school experience to be positive. I want to view myself as a helpful person, and so behaving in this way aligns with the way that I want to show up as a parent and as the [00:04:00] values that I have as a parent. That’s just a simple example, but I give that to show that it’s not that behavior is good or bad, and it’s also not that it’s wrong to behave in ways that get our needs met.

Right? A lot of times I do things out of concern for others, but also because it’s important to me to be the type of person that does things out of concern for others. And so, I want us to get away from labeling behavior as this idea of good or bad, but simply the way that we choose to interact with the world based on our past experiences to get our needs met in the present.

Okay. Some additional language that we need to define for this conversation relates to kind of what needs are present and how a person might behave or communicate to get their needs met. And then what is truly needed for that person [00:05:00] to have their needs met. So let’s talk about that in some more concrete terms.

So first, neurodiversity just refers to the broad spectrum of human neurotypes that naturally exist in the world. Neurodivergence refers to the neurotypes that also naturally and beautifully exist in the world, but do not occur with as much frequency as what might be considered the neuro majority. So this sets up a situation where our cultures, our environments, our social norms and expectations, methods of teaching, all of these things are often designed by and for those in the neuro majority.

So, simple example of this is a classroom that might have the expectation of sitting still while doing written or reading work. There are people who learn best and their brains learn best when they are moving. And so restricting [00:06:00] movement actually prevents their best academic work. And I would argue that our current culture really, I would argue that our current culture that is not often affirming and supportive of neurodivergent needs, often causes trauma to neurodivergent individuals. That’s an important distinction to emphasize that what I’m saying is not that a certain identity or neuro type is in itself traumatic, absolutely not.

But what I am saying is that trauma can often be caused due to unmet sensory needs, ableist cultural social structures, and built environments that aren’t considering of the full spectrum of neurodiversity that exist within humanity. So trauma is another area that impacts the way a person perceives [00:07:00] needs and responds to getting their needs met.

Trauma refers to harm that has incurred intentionally or unintentionally to persons, communities and within society. This can refer to physical, emotional, sexual abuse, but it can also refer to things like living in poverty, lack of access to healthcare, experiencing or witnessing violence, discrimination.

And those are just to name a few. The point is that when harmful experiences occur, it guides the way our brains begin to predict threats and it guides the way we feel. As far as what options we have to get our needs met. Okay, so a simple example of this might be a child who has experienced food insecurity.

Their behavior, their response to get their needs met might be that they hoard food or maybe they even take food, at school from other children’s lunchboxes or bags. [00:08:00] So it’s my opinion when we’re talking about this idea of neurodivergence and trauma, that really, we could have a Venn diagram where they kind of overlap each other.

Okay. And I think that it’s really important for me to be really clear, okay, about this because I have seen and I see the potential for this conversation to quickly become language that is misappropriated and used in ways that would be harmful. Okay. So for example. I think that most people would agree that we do not want children to experience childhood harm and trauma.

And if we could prevent abuse, neglect, violence, systemic injustice, that we should work towards that, but neurodivergent experiences, they do not need to be prevented, but celebrated. It is actually the systemic injustice [00:09:00] experienced by neurodivergent people. That’s what causes harm. Sadly, in a culture where we have prioritized childhood compliance, we have not honored children’s body autonomy just generally.

And we especially have not honored neurodivergent children’s body autonomy, and we have often not empowered children to communicate when something is not right for their body. And that has sadly led to a place where being neurodivergent does put children at a greater risk for experiencing childhood maltreatment as well.

Okay, so to be explicitly clear, I wanna say that prevention of trauma and healing from trauma is necessary. Celebrating all neuro types and preventing systemic harm to neurodivergent individuals is also necessary. These two [00:10:00] concepts go together in that way. A neuro affirming approach must be trauma informed and a trauma informed approach must be neuro affirming.

It is my opinion that you cannot have one without the other. So with that foundation, the next kind of natural question becomes, okay, but what do we do when a child’s behavior or communication is really not working for them or for anyone else? Okay, so let’s talk through this and some different tools that I wanna share with you using an example.

So let’s take the example of bath or shower time. Okay, quick time-out here as well. I wanna say that I use a lot of practical examples because I think these concepts make more sense when they’re provided in the context of an actual lived activity or real life situation. But I do wanna give the caveat that I recognize [00:11:00] that the situations I’m using reflect a level of privilege that could make these examples, not applicable in all situations, and that there are a lot of nuanced considerations that really depend on context, and so I hope you’ll listen to these examples that I’m sharing just as a first conversation to understand the principles of some of these tools and how to support children’s nervous systems and the principles of attunement and regulation.

Even if some of the specifics around the situations that might include various safety concerns or what resources are available in a given situation, those might vary, but I hope that you’ll find that the principles that we talk about can be applied across different context. Okay. Back to shower time.

So it is not uncommon for someone’s explanation of what is happening to be centered [00:12:00] around a child’s behavior from the lens of something that needs to be fixed. Okay? So that is our first cue to be curious and reframe that thinking, reframing that thinking will help us be invited into a posture of curiosity where we can actually problem solve ‘what might make this situation better for everyone?’ Okay, so for example, someone might say, this child throws a tantrum every time it’s time for shower. And they’ve even pulled the towel rack off the wall and the soap tray off the wall. They’re so destructive. They’re so defiant. That would often be the way I might get an intake.

Okay. Or I might get a report from a social worker or school teacher or someone who’s trying to get some support for their child. But we can reframe that by being curious and intentional to remove our own judgment from even the way we’re talking about [00:13:00] the problem. So the description of the situation instead could become something much more concrete and much more truthful to just what is observably true without projecting our own values or assumptions, or assuming others’ intent in it. Okay, so we could reframe this to be, you know, when the water comes on, the child just starts screaming and then they’re covering their ears and they’re saying, no, no, no, about getting their face and their hair wet.

And then eventually I just have to wash their face myself and then they start trying to get away from me. And then that’s when the soap tray and the towel rod broke. Okay. Those are both telling the same story, but we really get very different information from that. So the first thing to do is when you get presented, which will, with something that will often be a judgment statement, really help that [00:14:00] person give you the information of what actually happened. Okay. Because one of those statements is an invitation to judge a child and assume their intentions, and the other is just describing the facts of what happened, and it provides us that clear invitation to be curious about what might be going on. Okay, so then here’s the process of curiosity that I find helpful as I seek to figure out, okay, what unmet need does this child have potentially in this situation? So the first question I wanna ask is, are there unmet sensory needs? Okay. Every person has sensory needs that are unique to them. Neurodivergent people, as well as people who have experienced trauma, often have either a really heightened or reduced kind of level of sensory perception and [00:15:00] engagement, and it can be different depending on different sensory systems. So we first wanna consider, are there any unmet sensory needs for this child in this scenario? What is the child’s interception awareness? Do they have supports to communicate how they’re feeling?

And I know that there are other great videos on this resource that kind of touch on some of those topics as well, and that offer resources to deep dive some of those sensory conversations more. So to stick with our shower example though, let’s just think about some of, some of the sensory experiences that are happening in the context of a shower or a bath that could feel overwhelming or uncomfortable for a child.

So you’ve got the sound of water, you’ve got the temperature and changing temperatures back and forth, right? Smells, textures of different products, texture of the [00:16:00] water, vestibular processing. So how is that child’s balance when their eyes are closed to wash their face, or how is their balance if they have to tilt their head back to wash their hair?

What is it like for them from a tactile standpoint if they have to wear a shower cap to keep their hair dry? That temperature change when the water is turned off and you step out into that cold air. That’s a big sensory experience that a lot of people don’t enjoy. That specific feeling of being kind of like part wet, part dry as you’re using a towel.

The feeling of lotion, especially if you’re not all the way dried off yet, and how that feels on the skin. Having to put clothes on when you still have that little bit of like sticky post-shower feeling. How the wet floor feels on your feet. Okay, y’all get it? There’s a lot of different things, and those are just a few of them.

My point is something that we might see as a really [00:17:00] basic activity related to hygiene is include so many different sensory experiences. Okay? And your child may, they may not know what exactly is bothering them, but, they might, so don’t forget to ask them, right? Like, Hey, what’s the worst part of taking a shower?

If you could change one part of our shower routine, what would you, what would you change? What’s the best part? Is there any part of taking a shower that feels scary or uncomfortable? Okay. And they may not be able to articulate an answer to that. But don’t assume that, like find out, ’cause they might be able to tell you exactly what it is, but if they’re not able to, remember, behavior is communication.

Okay. So in the example that I gave you above, it seemed like the sound of water could have potentially been a [00:18:00] trigger in itself. Or could also just be that maybe the turning on of the water kind of, simulates, hey, we’re starting the start of this activity that might be undesirable. So then we can start wondering, hmm, if it sounds maybe we could play some preferred music, in the bathroom.

Or might having waterproof, like water earplugs. Could that help? It seemed like that child really had a hard time when a washcloth was kind of like forced in on their face, which that would bother me too. And so perhaps something about that experience in particular feels scary. Is it that just the way that is when something’s coming in on your face like that, out of your control, but are they avoiding washing their face at all because maybe, closing their eyes causes them to lose their balance. Maybe it’s the way that the washcloth feels on their face. Maybe it is that sense of a lack of [00:19:00] control. So that curiosity, it just invites us to problem solve alongside our child instead of shaming them and making assumptions. Now, I know I referenced there’s more resources, available on learning more about sensory systems, interoception, all of those things.

And I also just wanna say here, you are not on your own to figure those things out. A neuro affirming occupational therapy practitioner can help learn your specific child and their specific sensory system, and then help figure out what might be happening for them. So once you’ve considered, are there unmet sensory needs, let’s say we’ve really put in the sensory supports that we think this child needs, but their behavior, it’s still communicating to us that this is a stressful situation. So in that instance, my next question is going to be: could this experience [00:20:00] be triggering a threat response that this child has because of harm that they’ve experienced in their past and the environment or the occupation or activity itself could be a trigger.

So for example, perhaps, perhaps you’re working with a child who was actually harmed in the shower. I have worked with families who, you know, they had to start doing bath time in a swimsuit, in a baby pool outside because abuse had occurred in a shower for that child who had been placed in their care in a foster care situation.

No. Okay. And I can hear, I can hear some of you already saying, Hey, you can’t, bathing in a baby pool is not a life solution. And I, I hear that and I agree. Okay. But it could be an immediate plan until that child begins to experience felt safety with these particular adults in this particular home, until they’re able to see that [00:21:00] showering here is going to be different than it may have been in the past. And again, I just wanna say again, a trauma informed and neuro informed occupational therapy practitioner, they can help you figure out how to slowly shift that activity from a place that the child might accept initially to eventually a place that is more sustainable for the long term and just like we need to consider is the environment or the activity itself potentially triggering. We also need to consider if the relationship is potentially triggering something, so the person who they’re interacting with could also be someone that they don’t have felt safety with yet. And that could be for any number of different reasons. Perhaps they were harmed by someone who looks or smells like me or the person who’s helping them. And so my being close in proximity, that I’m, I’m doing which with a [00:22:00] shower with a young child because I’m trying to ensure their safety. Maybe that’s perceived as threatening, right? It could be that, intentional attachment and relationship healing might, might be necessary for a child to really experience felt, felt safety with a given caregiver.

So. Does it help if someone, if a different person is helping, right? And the immediate, can a different person help? Does that make a difference? These are ways to problem solve. What might be going on in the long term? Can we, can we heal that relationship? So. Again, some other things that might be going on in that kind of scenario.

Perhaps this child is, you know, maybe they haven’t experienced being listened to or having any kind of say or control in their life. And so perhaps their body is one place they feel that they still have some control on and over, especially, as an effort for them to try and take some control in their life [00:23:00] back again in a, in a situation like a foster care situation.

This would make so much sense because a child in that situation, they’ve experienced a complete loss of their whole world and everything that they know, they’ve lost control. And so in that case, it might be that the child needs to be given lots of opportunities to make choices, to have their voice heard.

And I would argue that all children need this, experience of being heard and listened to. But it is certainly a non-negotiable when children have experienced harm, and a trauma-informed LMFT, licensed Clinical Social Worker, l icensed counselor, occupational therapy practitioner. All of these are professionals that can help you figure out practical ways to help build voice and choice into your days in a way that is manageable and realistic, but also really empowering for the child we’re trying to help.[00:24:00]

Okay, so. In the example of the shower, I’ve given you questions to ask, and those questions are, are there unmet sensory needs? And is this triggering a fear response that could be related to the environment, the activity, or occupation, or the relationship involved. These are questions to ask. After a situation has happened so that it might can help you be successful in finding ways to be proactive for the next time this child needs to bathe or shower, right?

So in the example I gave you, someone is reporting how a shower time that was in the past happened, and you’re using that information to try and be proactive to problem solve some different things to try to figure out what’s going to work for that child. There is no one magic answer because the answer is always going to be what helps [00:25:00] that child feel safe and regulated in the environment, the activity, and with the people who are present in that activity, and that is gonna be unique to each person.

So those are strategies that you can use to help you reflect when something has not gone well and you’re thinking about, okay, how can I be proactive to make this go better the next time? Okay. I know that you are probably wondering, okay, great. But what do I do, if I didn’t anticipate the shower being an issue, right, that first time that happened and now you’re in the situation and the child is dysregulated and they, you know, like, forget what you’re gonna do about it next time. Things are so chaotic in this moment that you’re like, I don’t know what I’m gonna do in the next 10 minutes. Right. Okay. So let’s talk about what we do in that moment as well, because that is really crucial that people have tools to help them [00:26:00] reregulate when things have gotten kind of chaotic and dysregulated.

So let’s talk about this in the context of a situation that maybe we didn’t anticipate. And I have a couple caveats related to these reactive strategies I’m going to give you as well. Okay. So an important thing to remember as we’re going through this is that we have different capacities for processing language, depending on our regulation state.

So when we are in a state of dysregulation, maybe we’re feeling extremely sad, angry, overwhelmed, overstimulated. Our nervous system moves energy and focus more into processes related to just staying safe and finding that regulation again. And so we lose access to much of our language processing, and we all do this.

This is just the way our neurobiology works. Okay? So for example, [00:27:00] think about this. Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and they made you so mad and you just couldn’t think of what to say or how to respond, and then later you’re replaying that conversation back in your head and you just are thinking like, ah, I had the best thing.

This is what I should have said. I wish I would’ve said this. That’s because later when your nervous system is regulated, you’re able to process language better, and you’re able to come up with the words that you wish you had had in that moment. Okay. Or what about a time where maybe you got a call that had sad or shocking news or a difficult doctor’s appointment?

It’s not at all unusual for us to hear kind of initial information and then the shock of that we’re not really even able to process any of the subsequent details of what else was said. You know, people will refer to that as kind of saying, I just [00:28:00] blacked out in that conversation. Okay. So I say all that to say that it’s important for us to know this is just how our nervous systems work for all of us, okay?

Each of us are going to have different things that trigger various stress or emotional responses, but, we do all have things that trigger that response for us. Okay, so this is important because I really wanna emphasize we’re, I’m not saying that we’re trying to change a child where they never get dysregulated, they never are angry, they’re never sad.

All of those are human emotions to experience, okay? So we’re not trying to prevent the full array of human emotion that is sometimes appropriate with the situation and what’s going on. But we do wanna help our children know how to refine that place of regulation. We want them to know that they have support when they’re sad or angry.

We want them to be able to learn that their feelings do matter, and [00:29:00] to learn ways to get their needs met, that are safe for them and for those around them. So I’m gonna share with you one tool today that involves language, okay? And then I’m gonna share with you another tool that does not for that same purpose of we can process language, sometimes when we’re not too stressed, but there comes a point where it’s really difficult to process language. I also wanna note before I go into these strategies that what I’m sharing with you today, I have been really informed and I believe these strategies that I’m sharing align with the work of Dr. Purvis and Dr. Cross who created the model of trust-based relational intervention. And so these strategies that I use, I really believe align with what they call their steps of correction. So if you want to know more about that and more details on that, TBRI has some great resources that deep dive, that concept more and can help kind of help you figure [00:30:00] out some other ideas of how to use their steps of correction in different situations of dysregulation.

So. The tools I wanna share with y’all today, the one that involves language is most likely to work early in dysregulation when the child is still able to process some language. Okay? Y’all know, you know what I’m talking about even, even if you’re not sure, because you know that moment when you can see a child is kind of getting close to a tipping point, but you’re not quite there yet, right?

Okay. So that tool, for that moment, I like to call ‘surprise, silly.’ So this is where you say, or you suggest something that is outrageous, that the child might think is funny or unexpected. Okay. And also, when I say funny or unexpected, I don’t mean like a joke or a play on words or anything that could possibly be shaming to a child.

Okay. [00:31:00] So let’s, let me give you some examples of that. Let’s say it’s bathtime again, let’s stick with that example. And your child is not wanting to put their soap or body wash on. Maybe it smells funny, maybe they don’t like how it feels, or maybe they just want to exercise some control in that moment, or maybe any of the other reasons we’ve already talked about. Something that would be shaming and more likely dysregulate the child further is something like, ‘Well, if you don’t use that soap, we’re gonna smell you down the road.’ Something like that. Like some, sometimes people will think that’s a good joke to use as silly surprise that does not count.

Okay. That is not what I’m talking about. So kind of making fun of the situation or trying to, land a joke in a way that the child could perceive is at their expense is, that’s not what this is. Okay. But what you could do, and what would be a silly surprise, would, let’s, let’s just imagine that it’s body wash gel that you’re [00:32:00] using, okay?

You could move away from asking the child to do anything with it, and you could take it and you could put it on a, you know, a loofah or a washcloth, and you could just start saying like, oh, I wonder how high I can get the bubbles to go and how many bubbles I can get, and seeing if you can build it up and make a little bubble tower, right?

And try and turn that into a game that you’re just playing and making super fun. Then that child might wanna see if they can beat your bubble amount, right? And then you try again, and then it’s their turn again, and you’re taking this time to laugh and connect with your child. You can start using descriptive language to help them understand the experience they’re having.

Like, oh, these bubbles, they feel tickly on my hand and I can smell this lavender smell. You are sharing the activity with them and modeling it alongside them. So instead of saying just, you just need to touch, just touch it. Touch these bubbles and see they’re not gonna hurt you. That’s totally different from if you start a [00:33:00] game and then that child joins you in that game.

Okay? That is the power and the joyful doing the activity together. Okay. And then maybe after you’ve connected and shared that moment of joy, then you can reintroduce some choices to how they might wanna do their soap. So you might say something like, do you wanna wash with this blue washcloth or this loofah?

We, we call it a puff in our house. So it’s not that the child doesn’t have to get clean, but it is that we have time to take a step back, surprise them by doing something unexpected and in connection with them. Then reintroduce the challenge with a choice that still gives them some say in autonomy over how that’s going to go.

So a lot of the time that is going to work, if it’s done well, a lot of the time that’s going to work. But, it will not work if the child is too [00:34:00] dysregulated to really be in a playful state with them. Okay? It also only works if you yourself are regulated enough to come up with a silly game. ‘Cause you know, when you feel flustered, it can be hard to come up with something silly and fun.

Okay? So I know that there’s a lot of reasons why silly surprise may not always work. So when it doesn’t work, I wanna teach y’all another way to kind of reestablish that sense of calm and regulation that does not require language. And I call this body matching. So let’s keep with our same example with the shower.

Let’s imagine it’s not even shower time yet. You’ve just mentioned a shower and you’re trying to get the child to move kind of from this room to another room towards the bathroom, just in the direction of going towards the shower, right? And they scream no, and they run to their room and hide under the bed.

Okay, so you try silly surprise first. [00:35:00] ’cause most of the time that’s gonna work, right? And so you start saying something like, oh, oh, it’s like you’re a little snake in the cave. And I wonder if we can slither together to the bathroom. And let’s say they’re not into it, they’re not having it. Okay. They, you say that you come up with something ridiculous and silly and they’re just like meh.

Right. Okay. They’re not into it. Okay. That lets you know that they are past the regulation tipping point where language is really an option. And that’s important because that means you have to resist the urge to lecture them to go on about how important whatever it is you need to be doing is. Let’s be honest, at this point, you’re probably frustrated enough that not using language is probably for the best for everybody in the situation, okay? So to body match, all you would do is you would just lay down on the floor beside the bed and you don’t say anything. You don’t ask the child to do [00:36:00] anything. You are just symbolically showing them, I see your body and I’m attuned to what you’re doing right now. If the child bangs on the floor like that, you might just do kind of a tap on the floor. Okay? Maybe not as intense as what they did, but still just showing them you’re attuned to what they’re doing. You’re putting no cognitive demands through language or behavioral expectations, and I have yet to really use this technique with, my own child or, or in the clinic where the child didn’t eventually move from that space of body matching to then kind of intentionally engaging with me in a way that either sought comfort or sought playfulness.

And, and both of those move us to a place of connection. And once we’ve gotten there, we can reregulate and depending on when the child last ate and how much time they’ve spent in that dysregulated state, [00:37:00] they may need a snack. Because their blood sugar may be crashing after burning through a lot of glucose.

So when they have a big dysregulation event, that burns through a lot of glucose. And so that child may be experiencing a pretty significant crash. And I wanna be very clear. Giving a child a snack in that scenario is not rewarding bad behavior. It’s remembering that children do well if they can. Dr. Ross Greene taught us that children do well if they can.

Okay? And children cannot do well in a sugar crash. All right? So once you are back in connection with that child, you then need to see what physical needs need to be met, like a snack or a water, and then you have a choice. You have a choice to make. Do you want to revisit the shower situation right now?

[00:38:00] Or do you wanna use the information that you learned tonight and through their reaction, through their behavior, which we know is communication of their needs, do we wanna just use tonight’s information to make a proactive plan for later? Okay. The answer to that is going to depend how necessary is the shower tonight?

Okay. Obviously, not ever bathing is not an option, but is it an option to wait till the next day? Because if it is, then you and your child could really have a redo in a more positive head space. That gives you time to think through some of the proactive questions that we talked about. But if the shower really does need to happen that night, then you can go back at that point to being silly and trying to make the activity fun again.

Or you can give choices so that the child has some say and control over the situation. And bonus points if you can combine choices with being silly. [00:39:00] So combined, it might look like, do you wanna pick three songs to play during your shower or bath? Or do you wanna pretend that you’re an elephant at a watering hole during the shower?

Okay, those two choices, both kind of silly and ridiculous, but giving some playful choice back to the child. And again, I’m giving y’all examples that might be a, a younger child, but. You can grade this up. You just have to match the kids’ age, what’s age appropriate for them, what their interests are. So to summarize, okay, proactively we want to consider is there an unmet sensory need? Is there something about this activity, the environment or the people involved that are triggering something that could be related to something hard in this child’s past? Then reactively, we are going to not worry about the thing that we are trying to do [00:40:00] initially and we are going to prioritize safety, connection and regulation.

We can do this through a lot of different tools, but two tools that we talked about today that might be helpful are silly surprise and body matching. So these tools work again in a lot of different scenarios that you can adjust based on your child’s interest, age, your family’s specific needs and values, all of those things.

Think about all the different occupations that could have any number of these combinations of, of challenges embedded in them. Mealtime, getting in the car, riding in the car, having your hair braided, transitioning in and out of stores, schools, et cetera, through like having to go through parking lots, being in a grocery store, doing grocery shopping, all of these kind of different occupations or regular life events.

You can use the same formula of proactive [00:41:00] and reactive strategies. And if you take nothing else from this video. I hope that you’ll take these last few things. Your child will almost never calm down, and reregulate, if you yourself are dysregulated. One of the biggest gifts that you can give your child is the gift of your most regulated self. A neuro affirming and trauma-informed occupational therapy practitioner can help you problem solve all of these specific, unique considerations that we just hinted at in this conversation for your child. I want you to leave this knowing you are not alone and there are people out there that have these skills and expertise to help you figure out what’s going to work best for your child, for your family, for the kids that you’re supporting.

I really believe that you and your child deserve [00:42:00] joyful days, and I really hope that this information can help support you in that. Have a great day.